Catastrophic
by GreenQueen615
Summary: A careless mistake on Sabrina's part leads to all manner of cataclysmic, catastrophic happenings. Amusing...and terrifying.  A twoshot, for Curlscat.
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to be a twoshot...hope you like, and the next and final chapter should be going up tomorrow.**

**For Curlscat.**

_Sabrina slammed the door and slid down onto the floor. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed. It had been going on for days, though it seemed like years. _

_Daphne, Uncle Jake and Granny Relda were angry at her, the house was crazy, and everyone was in danger. At least here she was safe, she thought, sighing. At that moment there was a loud SLAM and she looked up, horrified. He was there, at the window, armed and dangerous._

_Five days earlier…_

Sabrina hummed quietly as she made her way into the kitchen. She was wearing her favorite outfit, jean cutoffs and a white tee shirt with green writing that said 'I Love School…I Just Hate Seeing You Every Day'.

She walked into the small kitchen, opening the freezer and scanning its contents. She heard a loud burp behind her and said, "What do you want, Puck?"

She turned slowly, to see a scowling fairy, blond hair sticking up and pink wings stiff behind him. His hands were on his hips and his he looked annoyed.

"What?" she asked, pulling out a carton of vanilla ice cream.

"_What_?" he asked, eyes widening slightly. "WHAT? I'm a KING. You dare to speak to me in such a manner?"

"Um," Sabrina said, rolling her eyes. "Duh."

"Well, if you must know," Puck said, folding his arms, "I am, as I was saying, royalty. I am also a villain, sometimes hero, for you people. You owe me! And nobody is willing to make me anything to eat!"

Sabrina snorted. "The Trickster King doesn't know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"I…of course I do!" Puck blustered. "I just don't want one. I want…I don't know, something good. Not a sandwich!"

He had a strange expression on his face; if he hadn't been nearly sixteen Sabrina would have called it a pout.

She rolled her eyes and turned around again, pulling out a bottle of Coke. "Well, I'm not making you anything."

Puck glared at her. "Why not?"

"I do things for people who ask me nicely."

The boy grimaced. "Will you _please _make me something to eat?"

"No."

"I said 'please'!"

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"You said you would make me something if I said it!"

"No, I said I do things for people who ask nicely. I did _not_ say I would make anything for you."

"Yes, you did!"

"No," she answered calmly, "I didn't."

His face turned red and his eyes turned stormy gray. "Come on, Sabrina! I'm hungry! What are you making for yourself, then?"

"A float."

Puck looked at her oddly. "What's a _float_?"

"You don't know what a float is."

"No."

Sabrina sighed. "Go get a cup."

He grinned and went to the cupboard. He came back with a large white ceramic mug, with the words _'Number One Foxy'_ written on it in bright red cursive.

Sabrina rolled her eyes. "Pig."

"Yep!" he said agreeably, and morphed his nose into a slimy pink pig snout.

"Ew. You're really gross, you know that, Puck?"

"Duh. So what's a float?"

"Ice cream and coke. Sometimes whipped cream and chocolate syrup, too."

"Cool."

Sabrina nodded and made the floats, making sure to give herself more than him.

"What!" he exclaimed, peering into her cup, "You have a scoop and a half more than me!"

"Yes."

"Give me that!"

He wrestled the ice cream scoop from her and proceeded to scoop half the carton into his mug.

"How did you do that?" Sabrina asked, watching his coke fizz over the sides of the cup.

"Easy," he said, licking some ice cream off his fingers. "So, now what?"

"Now you put on the chocolate syrup and whipped cream."

She handed him the whipped cream canister, then, thinking better of it, sprayed a medium sized dollop onto his mound of ice cream.

He pouted. "_Now_ what?"

"Now you eat it," Sabrina said, "Duh."

"Don't 'duh' me," Puck retorted, "I'm a King."

She glared at him. "Just eat it!"

He stuck out his tongue, but took a bite.

Sabrina muffled a laugh as his eyes widened and his nostrils flared slightly. His lips pursed and his wings popped out of his back.

"Good?" she asked, sarcastically.

He didn't answer, just shoved another spoonful into his mouth.

Sabrina laughed and took her float into the living room, where the television had recently been unearthed. Uncle Jake had spent several days on the phone trying to hook up cable and flirt with the salesgirl at the same time. But they had it now, so Sabrina flopped down onto the faded green couch and picked up the remote. She turned on the T.V. and flipped through the channels. Suite Life…True Jackson…Dora the Explorer…Tide Commercial…CNN…Packers game…Victorious…That 70's Show…Wizards of Waverly Place. Sabrina set down the remote and watched Selena Gomez rant about her elder brother's dental floss.

She finished her float and went to the kitchen to put her dishes in the sink. Puck was sitting there, his eyes bugged out, left eyelid twitching, a spoon dangling from his half-opened mouth.

"What are you doing?" she asked, staring at him as she rinsed her cup and spoon.

"Are you okay?"

It was then that she noticed the empty soda bottle and ice cream carton lying on the floor, the syrup bottle lying in a puddle of chocolate goo on the table, the whipped cream canister crushed in the middle, as though someone had stomped on it.

"What th-"

Puck hiccupped loudly.

"Puck?"

Another hiccup.

"Puck, are you okay?"

Hiccup.

"Puck, if this is a joke…"

He stood up abruptly and walked out of the room, hands shaking and wings lifting him up in the air every few seconds.

Sabrina stared after him for a minute, then screamed, "UNCLE JAKE!"

o-O-o

"And then he just walked out!" she finished.

"You gave him a float?"

"Yes," Sabrina said, defensively. "He never had one before! And…and he was hungry!"

Jake groaned. "Sweet and maternal as that is, Brina, he's a fairy."

"No duh."

"Sabrina, his body will process the sugar differently. So we might be in for a couple hours of havoc."

Something cold gripped her belly. "Um…Uncle Jake?"

He put his head in his hands. "Oh, no. What is it, Brina?"

"Um. What would happen if, hypothetically, he didn't have _a_ float, he had a container's worth of ice cream, soda, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup? Hypothetically?"

"Hypothetically," Jake responded, "We'd be in for about a weeks worth of trouble."

Sabrina sighed guiltily. "I wish it were hypothetical."

Jake moaned.

o-O-o

"YOU DID WHAT?" Daphne and Granny Relda shrieked, staring at Sabrina as though she were insane.

"I…I sort of…left Puck in the kitchen with ice cream and stuff…and he sort of ate it all…" Sabrina mumbled, staring at the floor.

"Sabrina Grimm, I thought you knew better than that!"

"Sabrina, I wanted a float!"

Granny Relda stared at Daphne incredulously for a moment, then turned back to Sabrina. "Sabrina…just…just go to your room for a while, okay? It's probably safest, anyway. We'll be down here."

"Yeah," Jake said, sarcastically, "Or in a bomb shelter. Either way."

Sabrina shrugged and went up to her room. She walked up the stairs and down the hallway. She paused outside Puck's door, pressing her ear to the wood. She heard several loud shrieks, then nothing.

She pushed the door open tentatively, just in time to see Puck leap out of the lagoon, to the enthusiastic shrieks and cheers of his chimps. Upon catching sight of her, the teenage fairy hollered, "Come on, Sabrina! The water's…well, it's freezing, but it's great anyway!"

"Oh, no," Sabrina squeaked, and tried to run away. But she was too late.

Puck flapped over, wet pink wings spraying her with droplets of water, and grabbed her wrists. He flew over the lagoon and dropped suddenly, so that Sabrina's ankles were soaked, then flew up again suddenly. He did this several more times, until only her head was dry.

"Puck, please," she begged, staring up at his wide, slightly maniacal grin.

"No such luck, piggy!" he shouted, and dropped her into the icy water.

Sabrina went numb, only feeling the cold, like needles on every part of her exposed skin.

She popped up above the surface, gasping like a fish out of water, and slowly made her way to shore.

She scanned the area, making sure Puck wasn't going to burst out and scare her, then started for the door, when all of a sudden, it wasn't there anymore.

"What the-" she exclaimed, then felt something sting the back of her neck.

"OW!"

Then again, on her butt, "OW!"

Suddenly, all over, she was being stung, or something. Finally something smacked her in the cheek and fell into her hand. A marshmallow.

"PUCK!"

The fairy darted out from behind a tree, holding a large plastic and orange metal contraption, along with a bag of marshmallows.

"Yes?"

"Puck, you're crazy. Where's the door?"

"What door?" he teased her, aiming his gun again.

"LET ME OUT!"

He shot her, this marshmallow hitting her right in the stomach.

"Fairyboy, you have until about three to let me out before I ram that marshmallow gun up your-"

"Fine," Puck said, pouting. "Spoilsport."

He waved a hand and the door appeared, brown and wooden and safe. Sabrina ran for it and smacked her face into a tree limb that definitely had not been there before.

"Puck…"

She grabbed the handle and wrenched the door open. She stomped to her room and slammed her door behind her.

**You know you want to review, now, right?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for all the marvelous reviews…**

**I'm taking a break from my…well, my winter break to write this, so I hope it's good! Wow, first twoshot.**

**I feel so empowered I could just squeal. But I won't.**

**By the way, I better get an awful lot of reviews for this. It's like fifty pages long!**

Sabrina smacked her head dully and rhythmically against the wall. Puck was still crazy, and her evil family had apparently evacuated, leaving her the only one in the house besides the insane fairy boy. So, naturally, she was locked in the safest room in the house; her bedroom.

It had been almost forty eight hours since Puck had gotten to the ice cream, and nearly an hour and a half since she had last seen him. She shuddered. He had been wearing only a pair of bright yellow boxer shorts, tube socks, and one of Granny Relda's sunflower hats. His face had been streaked with multicolored war paints, and his hair was filled with mud, sticks, some indefinable bluish glop and several fat, wriggling, earthworms.

She sighed.

Typical Puck.

She was compiling a list of things she would have to gather when Puck finally went to sleep…or to blow something up…or whatever he did when he wasn't in the house.

_Basic Supplies Necessary to Wait Out The Fairy Freak's Sugar High_

_1. Doughnuts_

_2. Something to drink (COFFEE!)_

_3. Flashlight - if he sees my lights on he'll find me_

_3. MY IPOD_

_4. Some of Uncle Jake's magic stuff - if they're going to abandon me here by myself with the fairy freak, then he'll have to get over my using his stuff_

_5. Agatha Grimm's diary - I think she was the one who spent all that time with the Faerie?_

_6. Uncle Jake's laptop…because I'm bored to death in here_

_7. Chips and Salsa…or just food, because I'm starving in here_

_8. A cordless phone_

_9. Some of Daphne's Vogues or People Magazines_

_10. My hoodie - It's really cold up here! _

Sabrina was about to add _11. Water gun and some armor from the kitchen _when she heard a bloodcurdling shriek that sounded like it had come from very far away. In a panicky dash to the window she managed to stub her toe on the bed, trip over her roller blades, bump her head on the dresser, pull down the curtains, and tear her list in two. When she reached the window, she almost choked on a laugh. A half-nude William Charming was chasing a screaming Puck up the road. The mayor's wavy black hair had acquired an ugly orangey tinge, and all he wore were some bubbles and a purple silk bathrobe. Behind him, an irate and out of breath Mr. Seven was panting, shrieking loudly and clinging to his dunce cap for dear life. Behind _him_ were several multihued chimpanzees, all holding disturbing-looking mechanisms which Sabrina recognized to be some of Puck's infamous glop grenades.

Sabrina giggled madly, then realized that, as Charming was in peak condition, and Puck was running mainly on adrenaline and sugar, and as the stupid fairy was probably not going to think to fly, and as Charming was furious, and as Puck had saved her several times, she had probably better let him in and try to deal with Charming.

She hurried downstairs, just in time to hear a mad pounding and shrieking ("LEMMEINHE'SGONNAEATMEEEEEE!") on the front door, and, shaking her head, she opened it, then jumped out of the way. Half a second later, Puck barreled inside, bringing with him a stench of half-rotten fish, rubbing alcohol, and permanent marker, not to mention several pounds of topsoil. With a fervent wish never to know where he was or what he had been doing, she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

There was an ominous click, and Sabrina's stomach dropped. Praying she was wrong, she turned and jiggled the handle. She was locked out.

However, she decided, she would have to deal with that later. Right now there was a much larger, more irate, and much more dangerous problem to deal with.

Mayor William Charming stormed up to her, leaned his beautiful face right up to hers, and hissed, "LET. ME. IN."

Sabrina shook her head disgustedly, then pushed him away. A drop of orange colored water splashed onto her shirt, probably staining it. "I can't," she said, coldly. "I'm locked out."

Charming leaned back for a moment, the beginnings of a demonic grin playing on his features. "The fairy locked you out?"

"Yes," Sabrina said, tightly.

Charming sneered at her, then said, "When…_if_ you get in, smack the little miscreant upside the head for me. And tell him…tell him I expect him to pay for damages!"

With that he stomped back down the road, pulling a cell phone out of his bathrobe pocket as he walked. He flipped it open and began barking at some poor soul to send over a limo and several hats, then hollered at Seven to go to the nearest store and buy some black hair dye. He then snatched the dunce hat off of the little man's head and crammed it on his own, effectively hiding the orange hair.

Sabrina laughed till her stomach hurt, then turned her attention to the problem at hand. She banged on the door, screamed herself hoarse, and threatened the fairy with every possible punishment she could think of. She considered smashing a window, but assumed that Granny Relda would have magicked them shut somehow, so she didn't try it. Eventually she gave up, and curled up onto the porch chair. It was forty five degrees out, and she was getting cold fast.

o-O-o

At exactly 3:12 a.m., at least according to her digital watch, Sabrina sat up. Her fingers and toes were frozen, her nose was cold, and she was pretty sure she was a couple steps away from hypothermia. She glanced around, then walked over to the side of the house, looking for a ladder, a rope, anything.

She spotted a gutter pipe that led all the way up to the roof. She squared her shoulders and began to climb, not even feeling the cold metal, just not looking down. She laughed to herself. It felt like forever ago that she and Daphne had performed this exact stunt while escaping from the Greene's.

Sabrina reached the rooftop quickly and swung herself up onto the rough tiles, dizzily noting the way the roof slanted. She walked carefully over to the chimney, then lifted herself onto the wide rim. For once, she was thankful for the fat, smoke belching chimney that belonged to Relda Grimm.

Bracing herself against the cool bricks, Sabrina began inching her way down the chimney, slipping often and scraping herself more than she would like to admit. When she finally reached the bottom, she examined herself carefully, and was pleased to note that, while she was somewhat banged up, she hadn't gotten a speck of chimney soot on herself. She shook out her hair and started quietly up the stairs, grimacing as she passed a mirror and saw that, contrary to what she had thought, her back and legs were coated with soot. She was about to open the door when she heard a loud, mischief-filled voice say, "Grimm, Grimm, Grimm. I'm disappointed. Did you really think I was going to let you off that easily?"

Her heart dropping, Sabrina turned to face the fairy boy. He was wearing the same outfit he had been wearing before, except that it was newly accessorized with her favorite bikini top.

"HEY!" She shouted, glaring at him, "THAT'S MINE!"

He nodded, beaming. "Yup! But it looks better on me."

Sabrina considered her options. She could knock him out with the coat stand, reclaim her bathing suit, and run away, she could try to talk reasonably with him, or she could just back away slowly, then run and hide in her room.

She decided on the last one, and started inching her way up the landing. He followed, until he was right in front of her, his nose inches away from hers.

Then she saw something that scared her even more than their current position.

He was _vibrating_. Every hair, eyelash, wing strand, finger, was practically humming with motion, so fast that from a distance he looked as though he was standing still. He blinked rapidly, lips trembling, and said, "Sabrina, I…have to tell you something."

She reached for the doorknob and jiggled it quietly.

"Yes, Puck?" she asked, stalling.

"You…are…finished," he said, and flew up in the air, a maniacal grin spreading over his cocky features. Dimpling wickedly, he shouted, "DROWN THE LANDLUBBER, MATEYS!"

Chimps popped out of every bookshelf, from behind every door, each holding a water balloon or water gun.

Sabrina shrieked. "PUCK," she pleaded, "please, no! I'm cold enough alrea-EAGHHH!" A hundred balloons hit her at once, and they most definitely were not filled with water.

Sabrina's stomach lurched and she clapped a hand over her nose. "What is this stuff?"

Puck grinned wider. "Don't you wish you knew?"

The greenish liquid soaked her, its stench seeping into every pore, ruining her clothing. If that wasn't terrifying enough, the stuff seemed to be _hardening_.

Sabrina shrieked and squirmed wildly against her crystalline bonds, but she was stuck. The full gravity of her situation descended on her at that moment. She was trapped, helpless, at the mercy of this maniacal, half-crazed, and extremely hormonal fairy freak.

She was pleased to discover that she still had full control over her mouth and facial features, and was about to thoroughly employ her vocal cords when a hand was clapped over her mouth.

"One word," Puck hissed, "And I leave you here…alone…with the chimplings."

Sabrina shut up.

"I…am a King."

"Duh."

"SHUT UP! I am a King, and _you_ are a peasant. You have done an in…an in…injustix to me, and you-"

"You mean 'injustice'?"

"NO! SHUT UP! You did an injustice to me, and now you have to be punished!"

"What? Seriously, Puck? You _live_ in _my_ house, alright? You _eat _my _grandmother's _food. You-"

"SHUT UP."

But Sabrina was on a roll. "YOU ANNOY THE DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME ON A REGULAR BASIS! YOU STEAL MY IPOD! YOU TOUCH MY STUFF AND MESS WITH MY HAIR! YOU RUIN MY CLOTHING AND MY HOMEWORK! YOU EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS! YOU LOCKED ME OUT OF MY HOUSE IN THE FREEZING COLD, MADE ME CLIMB DOWN A CHIMNEY, AND THEN COVERED ME IN THIS JUNK! AND I'VE DONE YOU AN INJUSTICE? WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

Puck frowned at her. "Because I love you. Duh."

Sabrina felt her jaw drop. "Wha-"

"Nope, too late, moment's over," he cackled, flying up in the air. "Men, attack!"

Sabrina's every instinct screamed for her to curl up in a tiny ball and hide as much exposed skin as was humanly possible. However, thanks to Puck's stupid goop, she couldn't. She could only stand there, a free target, as the chimps took aim and fired their paintball guns at her.

o-O-o

When she woke up, much later, the sun was high in the sky. Puck and his evil chimps were gone, the only evidence of their presence was the trash that littered the room.

She lifted her head with a moan and saw herself in the mirror. She shrieked loudly, then winced as her sore throat throbbed. Her hair and face were a mess of dried paint and paint capsules. Her face was dark with bruises. She looked down. She was still trapped in the crystalline block, but there were small cracks running through it.

Maybe…she strained violently against her bonds, and was delighted when several large green chunks fell to the floor. Muscles screaming, she pushed again, and again, and again, until she was free. She stumbled onto the floor and against the banisters, legs wobbly from disuse. After several moments, she limped feebly to her bedroom, thinking to herself, _Only a three more days to go._

o-O-o

Sabrina curled up under her bed, flashlight on, pen and paper ready. She was making a second list, but this one was different.

_I, Sabrina Grimm, being of sound mind and body, hereby leave this stuff to these people._

_First, to Granny Relda, even though she left me here with HIM, my Ipod and the journal she gave me for my thirteenth birthday. _

_Second, to Uncle Jake, even though he left me here with HIM, all my magical items, which are in my jewelry box, so that I didn't touch them, and my White Album by the Beatles._

_Third, to Red, who probably didn't have a choice in the matter, seeing as she was over at Ashlee's house, my CD player and any of my books that she wants. Also, under my bed, is a wrapped up package of colored pencils that I got for her birthday._

_Fourth, to Daphne, who abandons me a lot, but really didn't have a choice this time, I leave my clothing for her to grow into, and all my cash._

_Fifth, to Puck, even though he's probably the one who'll kill me, my funny nose and glasses, and my prank kit. I've been hiding it from him, it's in the top drawer of my dresser. My underwear drawer? Yeah, DAPHNE can get it for him. _

_And my charm bracelet._

_Sixth, to Mom and Dad-_

There was a loud crash, and Sabrina moaned. Dropping the pen, she listened closely and heard several bangs, the babble of the television set, and a disturbing hissing noise, accompanied by the smell of smoke. Shortly following this was a sound reminiscent of an elephant herd coming up the steps, and several squeals and yells.

It took all her self control to stay under the bed, but she did. She eventually drifted off into a restless sleep, which was frequently interrupted by nightmares of Puck chasing her, shooting things at her, torturing her, sending his chimps after her…

o-O-o

Sabrina looked down and realized that she had been wearing the same ratty outfit for the past four days. It was lucky she was in her room…if she had been trapped in Daphne's, or Granny Relda's, the only thing she could have changed into would have been a bathrobe, or something equally humiliating. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a comfortable change of clothing. It was not until she was half dressed that she realized that it was the outfit she usually wore for training - a pair of cargo shorts, ankle socks, and a black short sleeved shirt. She also slipped on a pair of sneakers, then pulled her still-multicolored hair back into a low ponytail.

She bounced around her room for a while, reading journals that were scattered around, eating the candy she had stashed in her bottom drawer, listening to her Ipod, painting her toenails black, and nearly falling out the window as she leaned out to see if the car was still halfway intact.

At around three o' clock, she snuck down the hall to the bathroom. The house had been quiet for the past hour or so, and she _really_ needed to go.

It was possibly the most eventful trip to the bathroom she had ever had. As soon as she had emerged from the small room, she had been scared half to death by the stupid fairy boy as he stampeded down the hall on the back of a baby elephant.

She raced down the hall and in to her room.

Sabrina slammed the door and slid down onto the floor. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed. It had been going on for days, though it seemed like years.

Daphne, Uncle Jake and Granny Relda were angry at her, the house was crazy, and everyone was in danger.

At least here she was safe, she thought, sighing.

At that moment there was a loud SLAM and she looked up, horrified. He was there, at the window, armed and dangerous.

She pressed herself back against the door, eyes wide, fumbling for the handle.

He leaned forward and opened the window. He was still wearing the boxer shorts and her bikini top - the sunflower hat had been traded for Daphne's old, pink, Hello Kitty bike helmet.

In one hand he held the marshmallow gun, in the other, a green water bottle. Strapped to his back was a large back of marshmallows and peanuts.

The window creaked slowly open - it was tall, an old fashioned bit of architecture, and when it was opened all the way, Sabrina wanted to laugh. It framed him, much as it had his nemesis, Peter Pan, in the movie. He stepped forward and said, in a weirdly whiny voice, "Everybody else left."

"W-what?" Sabrina asked. _Try to reason with him._

"They all left," he continued. "Daphne, and Red, and Jake, and your parents, and the old lady…they all left."

"Yes…yes, they did."

"Why?" He asked, lip trembling, "Why did they go away?"

_What. The. HECK? Is he going to CRY? _Sabrina thought wildly. _Oh, GOD, please don't cry. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT CRY. I so cannot handle you CRYING right now. PLEASE…oh, crud._

A tear rolled down the fairy boy's cheek. "W-why did-d they l-leave me? I just wanted to-to ha-have f-f-fun, and th-they l-l-left me!"

Sabrina stood up awkwardly, bumping her head on the door handle. _What in the name of all that is holy is going ON here? _she thought, wondering what to do. "Um."

He looked up at her, big green eyes shining with tears.

"Uh, it's okay."

He shrugged and another tear rolled down his cheek.

"Uh…shhh. It's okay…" She moved forward and put her arms around him awkwardly.

She patted his back, thinking that she could, technically, reclaim her bikini top now. Of course, this would probably put him into a strange, teenage-girl-like fit of temper and hysteria.

God, he was weird.

Did he just giggle?

She looked at him strangely. "Dude…did you just giggle?"

He nodded and curled up into a ball on the floor, giggling like a maniac. Which he was, technically.

She leaned down and poked his shoulder. "Puck?"

He ignored her.

"Puck?"

He didn't move. She grinned to herself and took the opportunity to back away and reach for the handle. However, as soon as she turned it, he leapt up and with an inhuman (and she reminded herself again, he was _not_ human) speed, loaded the marshmallow gun and pointed it at her.

"So," he said, glaring at her. "So…you were going to leave me, weren't you?"

"Soap opera much?"

"Weren't you!"

"Uh. Yes."

He frowned, then fell to the floor in another fit of giggles. "YOU FELL FOR IT! Hahaha…hahahahahaha…hahah.."

She stomped her foot on the floor. "Idiot."

"I'm not an idiot!"

"Imbicile."

"Yeah? Well, you're a…you're a…you're a nerdybuttbrainface!"

"A what?"

"A NERDYBUTTBRAINFACE. So there."

"That's not a word."

"YES IT IS!"

"Is not."

"IS!"

"Not."

"IT IS SO! IT IS! IT IS! ARGH! YOU STUPID…STUPID…STUPIDHEAD!" He growled at her, morphed his head into a gorilla's, and fired.

Sabrina yelped as several blue marshmallows smacked her simultaneously. It was then that she realized that she could have been long gone, if she hadn't been arguing about the legitimacy of the word 'nerdybuttbrainface'. Mentally slapping herself, she wrenched the door open and fled down the stairs and into the pantry, thinking that if she was going to be trapped someplace, at least she should be trapped someplace with food.

Of course, she was figuring against his morphing skills.

Pretty soon, she was standing on the kitchen table, while an ox with a human boy's head reared and stomped around her, bits of wood stuck to the two white horns protruding from his sandy curls.

"PUUUUCK!"

"Whaaaaaaaat?"

"STOP IT!"

"NO!"

Sabrina shrieked in fury and exasperation and jumped off the table and over Puck's head. She then raced down the hallway, stumbling slightly, and into the small downstairs bathroom. She winced as she heard the half-ox, half-boy tearing up the carpet, plaster, and knocking down pictures, but then thought vindictively, _Serves them right for leaving me here._

She slammed the door behind her, locked it, then looked around for an exit.

Of course, nothing.

Except for the tiny window above the sink.

She boosted herself onto the sink, bracing her feet on either side of the ceramic bowl and started attacking the latch. Of course, it would be rusted.

There was an ominous crash as Puck smashed into the door. It held, for now, but bits of it flew into the air, smacking Sabrina and scratching the mirror and wallpaper.

He reared back on his forelegs again, and smashed the door one more time. It collapsed under the weight of the boy/ox and Sabrina yelped in terror, clawing more furiously at the latch than ever.

Puck grinned demonically and clambered up onto the sink beside her.

Sabrina groaned, bracing herself for what would happen next.

The porcelain and wood gave way beneath Sabrina's hundred and twenty pounds, and Puck's several thousand. As did the floor.

Sabrina covered her head and face with her hands as they crashed through to the basement, Puck on top of Sabrina, Sabrina on top of the wreckage.

Sabrina didn't say anything as they landed on the cement floor, aside from a quiet "Oof!"

Puck didn't say anything either, just sat there with a bemused, idiotic look on his face. Sabrina was vaguely reminded of the time he had bitten the poisoned apple - he had worn a similar expression then.

Water was spraying in all directions, soaking both of them and everything around them.

Puck didn't bother to move, so she couldn't.

He didn't bother to change shape, either, just sat there, hooves in the air, fat ox-butt on Sabrina's stomach.

Finally, Sabrina shoved at him. He didn't seem to feel her.

"Would you please get off?"

He apparently didn't hear her either.

"WOULD YOU MOVE YOUR FAT, STINKY COW BUTT, PLEASE? YOU'RE CRUSHING MY INTERNAL ORGANS!"

"Huh?"

He looked down, then quickly morphed back into a boy.

"Better?"

"No." Sabrina glared at him. "You're still fat."

"What? I am not!"

Sabrina scowled and shoved him off of her, then bit back a cry as tears sprang to her eyes and her left wrist throbbed and stung. Probably broken. She stood, wincing and cradling her damaged limb as Puck sat, dazed, on the floor. Not one to pass up a free escape route when she saw one, she dashed, over him, taking care to tread heavily on his stomach in the process, over the wreckage that was once the bathroom sink, over an old trunk, and out the door.

Then she thundered up the stairs, through the kitchen, and into the living room, searching for the best hiding spot.

Too late.

"That's not fair," Puck growled at her. "You stepped on me!"

"Y-yeah," she stuttered, dropping and rolling under the couch, "I did. Sorry about that, by the way."

He got down on his knees and peered at her. "Come out or I'll change into a rat."

She squeaked and rolled back out from under the couch. "Don't!"

He glared at her from the other side of the couch. "Why not?"

"Uh…because…" she stuttered, thinking wildly, "because…because I want to play with you!"

"What?"

"Yeah," she continued, "I want to play pranks with you. In fact, let's go prank the Queen of Hearts!"

And just like that, his attention was diverted. "YEAH!" he exclaimed, "Let's go!"

She felt rather proud of herself. In just five seconds, she had changed his game from 'Let's- Kill/Cripple-Sabrina!' to 'Let's-Prey-On-The-Slightly-Less-Than-Innocent-And-Extremely-Annoying-Townspeople!'.

She didn't have very long to gloat, however, before he grabbed her ankles and flew out the front door, shouting, "I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY HEADQUARTERS, KAY?"

o-O-o

Sabrina sat on one of Puck's many thrones. This one was made of beheaded Barbie dolls - the one he reclined in was made of old car parts.

Puck had kindly bound up her wrist, so she could just sit back and enjoy marveling at the 'headquarters' with minimal discomfort.

The place was half-disturbing, half-cool. It was every juvenile delinquent's dream hangout, equipped with all the necessary prank equipment anyone could ever want, from things as mundane as toilet paper, spray paint, and glop grenades, to the more fear-inducing objects; glop-torpedoes, MACE, used cat litter, and buttermilk.

There was a large table, covered in very intricate plans, maps, and badly spelled plots, diagrams, pictures, and magazines. There were also several dusty old volumes that looked like they had never been touched, a strange amount of paintball guns, a vending machine with the glass broken, a trampoline, balloons filled with an ominous substance, and several posters of Peter Pan stuck to the wall. Sabrina had been curious about these, until she noticed the hundreds of darts, all stuck into very painful looking parts of the anatomy.

Wincing, she turned back to Puck, who had leapt off his chair and was rummaging in a large metal box marked 'DANGER. EXPLOSIVES. PLEASE OPEN ONLY IN THE VICINITY OF IMPRESSIONABLE AUDIENCES/ YOUNG CHILDREN/ OCTOGANARIANS. '

Sabrina rolled her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for our prank, Sergeant. Duh."

"Could you stop calling me sergeant?"

"That's true," he nodded. "As my partner, you're also a general. Yeah?"

Sabrina sighed. "Sure, Puck."

"Great! So I was thinking that instead of just mentally scarring Heart, we could just get the whole town, in one attack, you know?"

"Yeah…no."

"Look," he said, exasperatedly, "See these?"

"Yes…" she answered carefully.

He beamed. "They're dynamite. And fireworks. So I was thinking, if we blow up Heart's house with these, then we could-"

"Get sued?"

"Yeah, and also we could paintball attack the whole town! With the chimps! Then we could take one of my glop-torpedoes and ransack the ice cream store. What do you think, General?"

Sabrina stared at him. "I think…I think that sounds awesome. I also think you're completely insane."

"Yup!"

"What if we toned it down a little bit?"

"What would be the fun in that?"

"Oh, believe me," Sabrina grinned, "It'll be fun."

o-O-o

Sabrina adjusted her helmet and, for the millionth time in the past hour or so, questioned her sanity. How could she go along with this? Knowing that she would probably injure innocent people? How could she be such a sellout?

Of course, she rationalized, in situations of such danger, it was the survival of the fittest. And, although she hated to admit it, doing things like this, when nobody could punish you, was _fun_.

She gave Puck a thumbs-up and squeezed her eyes shut as he flicked the marble. He shook her shoulders to watch, and she opened one eye as the marble rolled down the straw, into the bowl, and tipped over the set of dominoes. They fell, one by one, until they hit a balloon. The balloon, whose tail had been held closed by the last domino, rose up and bumped the long end of a broomstick, which fell and knocked a box of matches against one match, suspended by a string. The match flared to life as the box fell away. The string spun, sending sparks all around from the match's flame, igniting the fireworks. The fireworks rose up into the air, hissing and spitting unnaturally.

Sabrina turned to Puck. "ARE THOSE NORMAL FIREWORKS?" She yelled, over the sound of strange explosions as the fireworks made their way past the buildings.

"!"

"CRUD!"

"YUP!""SHOULD WE RUN?"

"PROBABLY!"

"WILL WE?"

"PROBABLY NOT!"

"OKAY THEN!"

The fireworks exploded, leaving pretty, multicolored designs in the dusky sky. Then they sent their…other contents raining down over the town, just as the rest of the formerly-well-ordered-prank came in to action.

The glop grenades hailed down, covering anybody within ten feet of them with a revolting and retch-inducing substance. Meanwhile, Sabrina's carefully positioned chimps leapt out of their hiding spots, spraying everyone with their fire extinguishers. Puck, not forgetting his role, leapt out from behind their tree and proclaimed, "PEOPLE OF FERRYPORT LANDING! YOUR DOOM IS AT HAND! KISS MY SHINY METAL-"

At that point, Sabrina grabbed his ankle and yanked him away before he finished his predictably rude statement. "Let's go ransack a toy store, fairy boy."

o-O-o

Sabrina jumped up and down, loving the freedom that came with being in an abandoned toy store on a trampoline while a fairy hurled basketballs up and down the aisles. She was currently wearing a pink tutu, a plastic firefighter helmet, and three hula hoops. The town was a shambles, she and Puck were on the most wanted list, and she'd just had the most fun she'd had in ages.

She knew that eventually, Puck would come off his sugar high, her parents, Granny Relda, and Uncle Jake (not to mention Mayor Charming) would find them, and they would both be grounded for eternity.

Frankly, at the moment, she didn't care.

At all.


End file.
